


Timeless Love

by ReaperStygian



Category: Sander Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Anorexia, Boys Kissing, Character Death, Characters Watching Disney Movies, Cooking, Denial of Feelings, Dorks in Love, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Falling In Love, Fear, Flashbacks, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gentle Kissing, Hiding, Hugs, Isolation, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Outer Space, Reading, Reading Aloud, Research, Sad, Sad Ending, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Suicide, Tears, Time Loop, Unrequited Love, gay nerds, nerds
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-22
Updated: 2017-12-18
Packaged: 2018-12-23 02:09:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11979876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReaperStygian/pseuds/ReaperStygian
Summary: Virgil has to protect himself. He builds walls around himself, around his heart, sealing himself in with razors and wires and thorns, all to stop himself from getting hurt. But when those walls fall, they aren't as easy to build up again.And he isn't the only one getting hurt.Or; Virgil relives the same week over and over again, falling in love with each of them all over again but the one he tries to pursue always ends up dying before the week is over and then it starts again.





	1. Wintercearig

**Author's Note:**

> https://68.media.tumblr.com/893bbf0e7255c38b0204522ef64f18a0/tumblr_n5bgapW4yM1su85gro1_500.gif  
> ~  
> CREDIT: This story idea, and the drawing, belong to @ace-anxiety-sanders on Tumblr (x https://ace-anxiety-sanders.tumblr.com/post/163930737556/every-week-i-fall-in-love-every-week-they-die) /xaandiir on youtube! (x https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCQxphGuJHbD3T9NscM4uY7g).  
> IMPORTANT: IF SUICIDE IS A TRIGGER DO. NOT. READ. Sort of anorexia scenes as well. (Forcing self to throw up.)
> 
> This is not edited yet, and will likely have a lot of changes once it's edited, but I want to publish all four chapters before editing it. Updates will take a while, don't hold your breath. Thank you.

When Virgil woke up that morning, he had the feeling it was going to be a really, really bad day. For starters, though he did say 'woke up that morning' in reality is was currently five in the morning. Which was still morning, he guessed, but not the kind of morning he wanted.

  
The four traits only woke up when Thomas was awake anyways, so this instantly spelled bad news. He quickly appeared by Thomas, barely even noting Patton's presence before dismissing it. Not important. Instead he focused on Thomas, who was sitting up in bed and trembling a bit. A nightmare then? "What the hell?" he hissed, eyes narrowing. "It's five AM! Are you trying to kill us all?" Not that it was possible for them to die in the phsyical world. There were only two ways for them to 'die'- if Thomas stopped needing them, and lost whatever part of his personality they repersented, or if they someone got deathly injured while in Thomas's head, in which case Thomas would still have that bit of his personality because complicated science reasons Logan could go on about, but their personified selfs would be gone forever.

  
"Now now Virgil, he clearly had a nightmare," Patton scolded. The fatherly trait sat on the end of the bed by Thomas, fixing his attention to the still trembling male. "Thomas? May I touch you?" Thomas nodded, and Patton quickly enveloped him into a hug, making Virgil scowl.

  
He had half the mind to snap something quite rude to Patton, but in the end decided not to. Patton was the only trait that had ever really been what he'd call 'nice' to Virgil, after all, so for once Virgil could let him take charge. Besides, he wasn't doing terrible. Thomas was clearly calming down in his arms, relaxing slowly. "Kiddo? Do you want to tell us what the dream was about?" Patton questioned, concerned.

  
Thomas shook his head no. "N-not your kiddo," he muttered, drawing back and out of the hug, sitting up straight. Virgil was glad that he seemed to get over it quickly- that was. Virgil was glad that he seemed to get over it quickly- that was embarssing for all of them. He didn't notice he'd spoken outloud until Thomas cringed and Patton quickly patted him on the back.

"No it wasn't!" Patton said quickly. "We all get nightmares, and getting upset after bad ones is normal." Thomas nodded, but still seemed upset. After a moment he wordlessly got up and stumbled out of the room, leaving Virgil and Patton alone.

  
Virgil half expected Patton to turn on him next once it was just them, but to his surprise he only looked at Virgil, and appeared... concerned? "Are you alright?" he asked, voice soft and worried. "You look really tired! Even more so then usual."

  
Virgil blinked twice. No yelling? Well it wasn't that surprising really, this was Patton he was talking about. "I'm fine," he growled after a moment. Patton stood up, and opened his arms for a hug. Virgil frowned, annoyed, but allowed it.

  
Patton and him had an unspoken agreement about hugs. Virgil liked them, and Patton liked them, but none of the other traits were really willing to hug them as often as they might like so they stuck with each other. Plus, Patton didn't hug and tell, so Virgil could keep up his dark and anxious persona without having to be made fun of for being 'cuddly' or something stupid like that from Roman.

  
The hug lasted a few minutes before they both let go at the same time. Patton always seemed to just... know when to hug and when to stop. Like always, he didn't act weird about it, only kept smiling. "Wanna go eat breakfest? I think Thomas needs some alone time." Virgil nodded, crossing his arms over himself, and with that the two vanished back to the kitchen in Thomas's head.

  
The other two were already awake. Roman was sitting at the table, slumped forwards with an annoyed expression on his face (he was never a morning person) while Logan was looking over the fridge and frowning. Virgil stalked off to his corner while Patton quickly skipped over to the fridge, happily looking over the insides with Logan, and giving quick and excited advice on what they should eat.

  
Virgil watched this all going on with a detached sense of bordem. Curiously, he peeked in on Thomas, who was eating his own breakfest- a bowl of sugary cereal. "Great way to get cavities," Virgil muttered under his breath. Thomas instantly absorbed his words and frowned, slouching a bit and eating the cereal with a lot less happiness.

  
Looking up at the others, Virgil forced himself not to flinch. They were all... just looking at him. Roman was glaring, Logan was just frowning, and Patton's eyes were just wide with surprise. "What?" he snapped after a moment.

  
"What is that you can't even let Thomas enjoy eating a bowl of cerael after a nightmares," Roman snapped back. Virgil opened his mouth to reply, when Patton stepped forwards quickly.

  
"Now now, let's not fight!" Patton said quickly. "I'm sure it was an accident, right Virgil?" Virgil didn't reply. It was, honestly, but he wasn't going to admit it. Patton continued, "now, we're going to be making eggs and toast- do you guys want to help?"

  
Neither of them volonteered, making Patton wilt a bit. Sighing, Virgil grabbed the bread, looking down at it quietly. "I'll make the toast," he offered blandly. Patton perked up, despite the fact it was just toast, and nodded.

  
"Thanks kiddo!" he cheered, before turning back to Logan in order to make the actual eggs. Virgil pulled a few slices of bread from the loaf and placed them into the toaster, but didn't actually push them down in order for them to start cooking. He would only do so when the eggs were cooked a bit more then they were, so that the toast wouldn't finish way before the eggs and get cold.

  
Virgil's stomche clenched a bit at the thought of eating, but he knew he had to eat at least a few bites in order to keep the others off his back. He knew Roman wouldn't care, but Patton would throw a fit, and Logan would at least make a few 'that's not very healthy' comments.

  
Soon enough, they were all sitting around the table with plate fulls of food in front of them. Roman seemed a lot more awake as he shoved the food down his throat. "This is marvolous," he chimed brightly to Patton and Logan. Logan smirked a bit, while Patton just squealed and clapped his hands before they both started eating as well.

  
Virgil stared down at his plate for a moment. He knew what others would see. Food. It would smell good. It would taste good. But all Virgil would see was yellow, lumpy, mucus that would slide into him, make him feel sick, and make him look fat. He picked some of the mucus up on his fork, put it in his mouth, and forced himself to swallow, and then tried his hardest not to gag.

  
That was... so nasty. "Do you like it?" Patton asked, and Virgil looked up right into a pair of puppy dog eyes.

  
"Yeah," he said after a pause, sighing internally. He forced another bite down his throat. It was still nasty. Logan was frowning at him, and Virgil could tell he knew that Virgil was lying, but luckily Logan didn't say anything and just went back to eating his own food.

  
Virgil forced a few more bites down, but soon enough he knew he had to stop unless he wanted to throw up. "I'm eating the rest in my room," he declared before taking off, not even waiting for a reply.

  
Once he hit his room he dumped the rest of the eggs into the trash, he covered his mouth, pondering whether or not he should force himself to throw up, in order to get the nasty food out of his body. It felt so heavy inside of him, and he knew it was already making him fat, and infecting the rest of his body. It didn't take long to make his desision.  
He headed into the bathroom, kneeling in front of the toliet, and sticking his fingers down his throat. Instantly he gagged, hard, and pulled his fingers away just in time to expel his stomches contents into the toliet. There. Better. After wiping his mouth off, he tossed the toliet paper away, and flushed the toliet, heading back to his room and crawling onto his bed.

  
Pulling out his laptop, he balenced it on his lap, and tried to figure out what he should do. Just then, he heard a knock on his door and looked up. "Come in," he said after a moment. The door opened, and Patton stepped in, holding something behind his back, a nervous smile on his face.

  
"Hey kiddo!" Patton said happily. "I... uh, Logan said that you may have lied at breakfest-"

  
Virgil was going to kill Logan.

  
"-and I wanted you to know! That you don't have to lie!" He pulled the thing behind his back out, and held it up. "These are soft cookies, so they won't bother your stomche, and I've seen you eat a lot before so I know you like them...! I'll try to find foods that won't bother you, and I can learn how to make them- I'm sure Logan will be okay with helping -because not eating a lot isn't healthy!"

  
Virgil stared at him in shock. He was... going to try and help him? Find more recipes? He wasn't upset that he didn't like the food? What? Moving forwards, Patton placed the cookies onto the side of his bed, and turned to leave. Moving without thought, Virgil reached forwards, grasping the back of his shirt. Patton looked back towards him, and Virgil hesitated.

  
Great, he didn't actually have anything to say to him now! "Er... thanks, I guess," he muttered, making sure to put enough driping disain and sarcasm into his voice. Patton didn't even flinch, but that was sort of a good thing, because then Virgil would feel really really bad. "I... do you want to watch a movie with me?" Virgil gestured to his laptop with a weird floppy hand motion, letting go of Patton's shirt.

  
Patton's eyes lit up, shining, and he nodded madly, jumping onto the bed beside him, grabbed the cookies and putting them onto Virgil's lap as he snuggled right into his side. Virgil blushed slightly, confused at the warmth flickering through his chest, pushing his face down into his hoodie more. He felt embaressed. Warm. Shy? This was... weird. "W-what movie should we watch?" he forced out, cursing his stutter.

  
Patton leaned over his shoulder, and Virgil pulled up a list of movies, the pair of them scanning through them. "Let's watch Moana!" Patton said suddenly, pointing at the name. Virgil rolled his eyes but clicked on it. Big surprise, Disney. All the traits, and Thomas at that, seemed obssesed.

  
The movie was hard to pay attention to with Patton pressed up to his side, but the cookies tasted good.

  
~

  
"Here!" Virgil stared at the bowl placed in front of him. Ever since Patton had watched that movie with him in his bedroom, a strange sense of... longing that sat buried in his chest wouldn't go away. Therefore, Virgil had been trying to avoid the cheerful trait- which he was now failing at, it seemed.

  
The day before (some would argue still that day), Virgil had locked everyone out of his room, and hadn't eaten for the rest of the day. The pain had been fine, but he knew that if he didn't eat soon he could be in serious trouble, so he'd decided to sneak out at three in the morning when everyone else was asleep so he could eat and avoid everyone.  
But no, Patton had been awake, waiting for him. Was he really that predictable? "What is it?" he said after a slow moment.

  
"Yogurt with bits of bannana in it!" Patton said quickly, clapping his hands. "For your tummy! I'm also thinking of trying out this meat smoothie thing, which sounds nasty, but it suppose to taste really good..."

  
Virgil wrinkled his noise. Sounds nasty was right. Quietly, he looked down at the bowl, and then slowly picked up his spoon. Patton had waited for him all night, just to give him this? Because he knew he hadn't eaten all day?

  
That warmth came back, and Virgil quickly pushed it away, grinding his teeth before quickly taking a bite of the food, trying to ignore the feeling, trying to distract himself from it. It wasn't that bad, the food. It was sort of slimy, but the fruit taste was nice. He could probably manage. He'd even be a good boy and not throw it up, just for Patton. Wasn't he just a sweetheart?

  
"It's... good," Virgil offered. Patton narrowed his eyes at him, as if trying to figure out if he was being sencire or not, causing Virgil to sigh loudly and roll his eyes. "I'm not lying, morality."

  
"Morality?" Patton blinked, sticking out his tonuge. "Awwww Virgil! Don't call me that! Patton Patton is my name, helping others is my game!"

  
Virgil lips twitched up. "Cute. Wait, cute? What?"

  
"What?"

  
"What?"

  
"Er." Patton blinked. Virgil blinked back.

  
Virgil went back to eating his yogurt. Patton sat across from him, since Virgil was already sitting. "So, uh, sort of personal question..." Patton trailed off, smiling akwardly. Virgil internally sighed. Personal, his favorite thing. He ate another bite, nodding for Patton to continue. "Earlier on, with that thing when Thomas was eating breakfest, and the sugar fat calory or whatever thing- was it an accident?"

  
Well that wasn't as personal as Virgil had been thinking. He'd been expecting, what, 'why do you hate us all?' 'Why are you like this?' 'Who hurt you?' 'What are your deepest secrets?' They sounded sort of stupid in his head, but he had been expecting soemthing just deeper in general. "Yeah," he admitted, almost surprised about how easy it was to admit to after refusing to let the other two find out. "No telling the others."

  
"Of course not!" Patton smiled, looking really excited. "I knew it was, anyways, of course."

  
"Why's that?"

"Your not a bad person, Virgil."

  
"A lot of people would disagree."

"I'm not one of those people, then~!"

  
Virgil tried to scoop up another bite, but the bowl was empty. He was still sort of hungry, but he knew it would be bad to eat too much after not eating for a long period of time. Standing up, he put his dishes in the dishwasher, before turning towards Patton. "We should-" he paused, staring.

  
Had Patton really fallen asleep? Within the ten seconds he hadn't been looking? What, was this some sort of joke? Patton didn't seem to be the type... Besides, he had been tired. And that was Virgil's fault (Patton wouldn't get upset about that sort of thing, right...? ...right) so he didn't want to wake him up. Moving over, Virgil carefully grasped the happy trait, pulling him up into his arms, holding him bridal style.

  
It was hard to move back to Patton's room while holding him, but it wasn't impossible, so he did manage. Stumbling in, he carefully avoiding bashing Patton's head against the wall, thankful the other was a heavy sleeper. Moving over to his bed, he laid Patton down carefully, moving his arms and legs into a position that didn't look like it would be really painful when he woke.

  
"Night," he said, after a moment, suddenly feeling out of place. He turned to leave when Patton grabbed him, dragging him back onto the bed and hugging him. For a moment he thought he was still awake, and panic filled him, his body growing very tense, before he paused. "...Patton?"

  
No reply. The idiot was hugging him, cuddling him... in his sleep? Virgil moved, trying to untangle himself, but he just managed to move closer, getting his limbs even more tangled up in the mess of flesh. Great. He was stuck.

  
Despite himself, Virgil still fell into a deep sleep, relaxing against the others chest.

  
~

  
Virgil stirred slightly. Arms were wrapped gently around him, and he snapped awake, panicing for a split second before remembering what happened the night before. It was just Patton. Sighing, Virgil relaxed a bit, lips twitching into a frown.

  
Since when did 'just Patton' make it alright? Sure, he'd always trusted Patton more than the other two, and they had the hugging contact thing, and he didn't give away his secrets, and he was a nice person, always trying to include Virgil and make Virgil happy in general, but really... Were they friends?

  
He supposed they were. They had been, for a while. It had just taken Virgil too long to figure it out. Wait, didn't Patton think of them as friends? Something uneasy, scared and sick filled Virgil's chest, and he shuddered from the feeling. He probably doesn't. Sure, he was nice to him, but it was Patton. Patton was nice to everyone.

  
Virgil was depressing, mean, constantly making mistakes and never apologizing for them. He was not friendship material, not even slightly. "I don't even deserve friends," he whispered quietly, unable to stop himself from pressing closer to Patton despite his worlds.

  
"Wh- Virgil...." Virgil froze, cheeks flaming bright red as he quickly shot back, away from Patton. He almost fell off the bed if it weren't for Patton grabbing him quickly and pulling him back up. With a sharp breath, Virgil pushed Patton's hands away, standing quickly and ignoring the dizziness that the sudden standing motion brought to him.  
Patton sat up quickly. He was still dressed in his clothes, which was probably pretty uncomfortable, and his glasses were no were to be seen, but these things didn't seem to bother him- he was too busy staring forwards at Patton, eyes dark and wide and so concerned.

  
"I-I didn't-" Virgil stuttered, his words tripping up. Those brown eyes, so wide and worried made his head spin. A warmth spread through his body, from his head to his toes- a mixture of embarssment, anger, and something else.

  
"Virgil." Patton's voice was so calming... Patton stood up, reaching forwards to gently grasp Virgil's hands in his own. "Calm down- it's okay... Deep breaths..." Virgil stared at their hands, carefully matching his breahing to Patton's. It's okay... "Virgil, what do you mean you don't deserve friends?"

  
Virgil pulled his hands away from Patton's as if he had been burned. "Forget it," he said quickly. He didn't want to 'talk about it.' Not with Patton. What he had with Patton, right now? It was good. It made Virgil feel nice. Even if it was fake, just Patton trying to make him feel better, it was better then being lonely and empty and cold.

  
"No, I'm not going to forget it," Patton said quickly. Virgil was glad he didn't try to grab his hands again at the very least. "Virgil...I thought we were friends?" Virgil frowned. That wasn't true, he didn't deserve Patton anyways, and Patton didn't really like him. Patton's eyes narrowed. All of that naive happy go lucky nature seemed to vanish for now.  
"You don't believe me," Patton muttered, sounding bothered.

  
Virgil looked up into those brown eyes again quickly. "No! I mean- just- please don't be upset," he said quickly, wishing he hadn't said anything in the first place, because now this was being all feelings and sadness and the cuddling was a lot easier.

  
They stood in silence, Virgil looking away. Neither seemed to know what to do. Finally, Patton spoke up, "Virgil, you're my friend," he declared. Virgil didn't reply. "You deserve me. You deserve five million friends that will help you, and care about you, and make you yogurt. And you may not believe that we're friends, but you know what? That's okay."  
Virgil looked back at Patton, surprised and confused. The warmth was back, but it was angry or embarssed, it was the unknown emotion. What? Friendship? Was that an emotion? "Because," Patton continued, smiling brightly, "if you really don't believe that we're friends, I'll just have to convince you that we are!"

  
~

Patton took this convincing thing to a whole new level.

  
Virgil had expected something, maybe watching another movie, or another meal, or just hanging out in general, but Patton did all that and more. Patton had quickly dubbed the day 'friendship day,' and dragged Virgil into the kitchen, kicked Logan and Roman out, and started to make all and every food he could think of that Virgil may enjoy.  
It had been rather overwhelming, but Patton had been sweet and happy and nice, and had let Virgil help or not help when he wanted, and had taken his advice. Virgil was still a bit quiet throughout the entire thing, unsure, but it didn't seem to detere Patton one bit.

  
Before they knew it, they had a mountain of food. Next step was movies. Patton had a huge list of all the movies they could watch, a lot of them movies Virgil had mentioned enjoying, such as The Black Caldron. Virgil had been surprised, honestly, that Patton had known which movies to play, and sort of shy and worried about it. (Shocking, right?)  
That meant that Patton payed attention to him, was all, that he payed attention to him and even remembered what he said. It was sort of a pressure, to be good enough, since Patton was paying attention. It meant Patton would see Virgil when he made mistakes, messed up, and did things wrong.

  
It meant Patton would know, every time, when Virgil fucked up, because Virgil was a fuck up.

  
He didn't mention that though, just watched the movies, and nibbled on the food. It was easier to eat when he had such a clear distraction in front of him, since he wasn't focusing on the food as much, and was more focused on the movie anyways. Every time Patton glanced over, he tried to eat a bit more, to make sure Patton wouldn't start acting all concerned and worried.

  
Once they had watched a handful of movies and had eaten a lot of their food, both were getting a bit bored. They packed all the food up in the kitchen, in containers that they stashed in the fridge or cuboards depending on what the food in question was for them to eat later, or for Roman and Logan to eat if they wanted some.

  
Virgil stuck his hands into the pockets of his sweater, looking down at the ground with dark eyes. "Now we should..." Patton trailed off, clearly in deep thought as he wrinkled his nose up. It was a cute action.

  
What? This was the second time Virgil had thought that about Patton! It was weird, really weird, weird and confusing and sort of wrong. Was it wrong? It had to be, right? Well, everyone knew that Patton was the cute one, it was normal, but Virgil hadn't ever really thought of any of the others in terms of cute or handsome or pretty or anything, and all of those suited Patton-

  
there he goes again!

  
So he liked how Patton looked. That was normal. After all, according to Patton they were friends, even if that was weird in Virgil's mind. But well, maybe he was starting to believe it a bit after how much Patton was trying and paying attention to him.

  
It didn't mean that Virgil was suddenly going to be cuddly, or happy all the time, or anything like that. Everything would be the same, except now he had a label for his relationship with Patton. He wasn't sure if he liked the fact he could label it or if it was better when he could just sort of enjoy what it was.

  
"Virgil? Are you okay? Your head flew off into the clouds for a bit there!" Virgil flinched a bit, looking towards Patton, who looked worried. Friends. They worried about each other. Well, Virgil was good at being worried about everything, so he had that part down already.

  
Virgil crossed his arms, narrowing his eyes. "Fine," he said after a pause, and Patton blinked, tilting his head in confusion. The action caused Virgil to sigh. "We're friends," he drawled after a moment, spitting the word out like it was sour.

  
Patton's eyes went huge and he squealed loudly, waving his hands around madly and starting to jump up and down. Virgil's eyes widened and he stepped back. Was he having some sort of an attack?? "YES! Virgil awww my sweet little shadow wintercaerig emo!! My friendship will warm you up awwhhhhhhhh!! I love you!!!! So much!!!!!"

  
Virgil nodded, and Patton nodded back, smiling brightly. Nodding was the best reaction to Patton's outbrusts. Patton opened his arms quickly and Virgil growled, unsure, but eventually moved forwards and allowed himself to be hugged. "I love you," Patton declared again.

  
This time, Virgil actually noticed completly, and he blushed, thankful Patton couldn't see. Those words made him feel something, deep inside his chest, a sort of fluttering feeling. Friendship?

  
Patton let go, and Virgil forced his blush away, another scowl appearing on his face. "Don't start bragging to the others about this or something stupid like that," he ordered sharply, and Patton nodded, huffing a bit and pressing his lips together, clearly thinking that was already obvious. "Now, since your friendship day or whatever has served it's purpose, can it be over now?"

  
"Do you want it to be?"

  
Virgil didn't really care, and he told Patton so, which made Patton decide to continue friendship day.

  
Virgil knew he was going to be tired that night.

  
~

  
Two days after 'frienship day' Virgil came to a relization. A relization he should have figured out much, much sooner, since there were so many stupid clues that took him way too long to see.

  
He only really figured it out anyways, when he had seen Patton and Logan cuddling together while watching a movie. Cuddling. Now, for Patton this may seem normal, but Logan? Roman had even muttered 'wonder if they're dating yet' into Virgil's ear sounding amused of all things.

  
Dating? Dating yet? Roman had expected this to happen? Had Virgil missed something? What happened to the Logan who didn't like emotions? He had thought that Patton... that Patton what?

  
He thought Patton was cute. He liked hanging out with Patton. Even touching him was, to a certain degree, comforting. Seeing Patton's smile was enough to make Virgil happy, and the simple 'I love you's' that Patton threw out felt like so much more to Virgil, like he wanted them to mean more then what they did.

  
And the thought of them meaning more when Patton said it to Logan, really really hurt.

  
The relization was that Virgil had a crush on Patton, expect that wasn't even the right word. The right word for what he was feeling was too much though, too much for him to say, too much for him to admit even outloud to himself. Just too much in general.

  
So Virgil did the same thing he always did when something became too much for him. He hid. He ignored the knocks on his door, he ignored Thomas even, trying to summon him. He felt the other three with Thomas a day after he refused to come out, probably talking about him.

  
It wasn't like this was the first time he had hidden like this, he normally came out a few days later, but they could clearly tell this time was different, this time something really was wrong.

  
Virgil's stomche ached, and his throat and mouth hurt. He hadn't eaten or drank anything, he hadn't even moved from his curled up position on the bed. He thought about what the others would say if they knew the truth about why he was hiding like this.

  
Roman would probably laugh at him, roll his eyes, probably wouldn't even believe him at first. And once he figured out that it wasn't a joke, akwardly pat him on the back, maybe try and help him in a Roman sort of way, but give up and leave him be, inwardly thinking it was sort of pathetic, hating him even more. It wasn't like they got along as it was, even after the 'Accepting Anxiety' thing.

  
Logan would have some long, clever word for how he was feeling. Would tell him lots of ways to get over heartbreak, all very sciencey and long and complicated, might even try some. But he wouldn't understand how it felt, wouldn't understand why his stupid science wasn't working, or why Virgil was 'defective' in the first place.

  
Patton.... Patton would try to make him feel better. Let him off easy, even. Say they could still be friends. And that would hurt even more.

  
Virgil understood, alright? He read the 'friend zoned' Tumblr posts, about guys who wanted to be more then friends and couldn't take no for an answer, and he knew they were idiots, and he didn't want to be that way. He didn't want to hurt Patton, the only person out of their group who had been kind from the very start.

  
He didn't want to be the bad guy anymore.

  
It was while he was thinking this that he felt it. The other sides were working together to force his door open. Growling, he sat up a bit, pushing aside the pillows and blankets he had wrapped himself in, grabbing his sweater and putting it back on. He felt naked without the stupid thing.

  
He reached up to feel his face. His make-up was smudged and dripped everywhere from his years. Fuck sakes.

  
He didn't want this, he didn't want them to see him when he was like this, they would think things about him inwardly about how he looked and was acting, and they would assume and hate and question, and they wouldn't stop or leave him alone and why wouldn't they just back off and leave him alone-

  
The door opened. Their rooms were their safe places in their minds, and as such it was incredibly difficult for them to force their way into each other rooms. Only the combined force of all three of the others was enough, and even then it was still difficult and tiring. Virgil was suprirsed they even bothered, why would they want to talk to him, any of them, all of them really.

  
Patton hesitantly stepped into the room, alone, and Virgil relaxed just a bit when he shut the door behind him, their dear prince and teacher not following. So the other two had agreed to help get the door open, but not come in?

  
Better then all of them, he guessed, but either way he hated it. He looked away, trying to hide the tear stains despite the fact he knew the motion was useless.

  
Patton would have already saw. "Virgil?" Patton questioned quietly, and he sounded tired. Even more tired then trying to open the door would have made him. "I'm sorry for forcing my thing in, but we were worried kiddo...!"

  
"I'm fine. Can you go now?" Talking was hard. It was like if he said too many words, too fast he would shatter, and the tears would flow and he wouldn't be able to stop them after that trigger was pulled. He would just embarss himself in front of the other, even more than he already had.

  
Patton stepped forwards a few more steps, ignoring the 'can you go now?' and making Virgil hiss softly in his direction. "Virgil, it's okay-"

  
"NO it's NOT!" Virgil's voice cracked, and just like he had been trying to avoid, he broke. Bending over, head still turned away, he wraped his arms tightly around himself. Trying to hold everything inside, stop it from spilling out, but it did anyways in the form of a shaky sob.

  
Patton didn't hesitate to move forwards now, and a weight fell onto the side of the bed. Virgil jerked away from it, body shaking, the sobs comign faster now, tearing through him like a razor, tears and breath and flesh warm and hot and too warm. Overheating. "I'msorry- j-just go away- I- I can't-"

  
"Virgil, breathe." Patton's voice was shaky, and Virgil tried not to scream and lash out. His pain, his tears, were hurting Patton. That, right there, was why it was better to hold all that stupid shit in instead of letting others see it. "Copy my breathing," Patton said, but his voice was far away. In a different universe. "Virgil, c'mon, please... in and out... in and out... whatever it is, we can fix it... I promise... I'm here, Virgil- and I won't let anyone or anything hurt you..."

  
Didn't he see? It wasn't Virgil that needed to be protected. It was everyone else that needed to be protected from him.

  
Patton hands brushed against Virgil's arm, an unspoken question, and Virgil was torn in half with the need to get as far away as he possibly could and the need to get as close as possible. He ended up not moving. He just froze, held his breath, and stopped.

  
"Breathe," Patton whispered, finally taking inutiative and pulling him tightly to his chest, and Virgil did. He sucked in a deep, deep breath, and let it out. Patton's warmth, unlike his own, was comfortable, not sticky and ugly and disgusting. "Good job," Patton whispered, pressing a kiss to Virgil's head. "Again. In.... out... in... out.. there you go... it's fine... tell me what's wrong...?"

  
He had to say it, Patton deserved to know. If he didn't want him anymore, afterwards, then that was okay. It was too be expected. No one wanted Virgil, and definetly not like that.

  
"I love you." Virgil spat the words out, like the posion they were, and Patton shifted, pressing closer.

  
When he spoke, he sounded confused. "That's okay? I love you too-"

  
"NO!" Virgil trembled and sat up, pulling an arm to his face to smear away his tears. More just replaced them. He stared carefully at Patton, trying to convey what he meant, what he really meant. "I love you. I'm in love with you. I have feelings for you. I like to touch you, to hug you and be in your arms. I-" the tears were getting worse, and Patton was staring with him, shock clear in his eyes "-I love you.." his voice broke again.

  
This was not Anxiety's type of thing. These tears and sobs and wails. Well, they were, but normally in private. He was sarcastic, cutting, witty, depressing, a worrier. This was difficult, and sticky, and painful, and he didn't like it.

  
Now Patton wasn't talking, just staring. So that was it then. "I'm sorry-"

  
"I love you too." Virgil tensed. What? No. Nonononono.

  
"No," Virgil said again, softer. "You don't. Don't lie. I know that there's, well, something going on between you and Logan." Ignoring the confusion, the FAKE confusion, that flashed across Patton's face Virgil moved back. He had to make this easier for Patton, for Patton to deny him.

  
"It's fine, okay?" Virgil said quickly. "It's. Fine. I was just upset about how to tell you is all, but now that I have or whatever, it's fine-"

  
"Virgil." Patton huffed, crossing his arms. "No. I don't love Logan, well, not like that! He's my friend. I like to hug and cuddle with him- but I've never thought about what it would be like to kiss him, not like I have with you."

  
Virgil didn't blush. It wasn't something he did. And he certaintly wasn't doing it now. It was a lie, he told himself again, but this time it was a weaker voice. Then, the voice shut up completly when Patton leaned forwards and planted their lips together.

  
It was really really nice.

  
Patton pulled away a moment later, probably not wanting to overwhelm him, and honestly that was a good idea, because Virgil felt a bit faint at the moment. "Are you okay, kiddo?" Patton questioned, frowning.

  
Virgil nodded slowly. He was, sort of. It was... confusing. Everything was confusing. He sort of just wanted to lie down for a moment and rest. He didn't notice he had said that outloud until Patton smiled, and nodded. "Agreed," the cheerful trait hummed, laying down himself, grabbing Virgil very gently and pulling him down next to him.  
"Goodnight, Virgil."

  
Wow.

  
~

  
Virgil woke up an hour before midnight, shifting and wrinkling his nose slightly. He was really, really hungry. He had forgotten earlier, how long it had been since he had eaten, but now he was sweaty and hungry. The sleep had helped dull everything that had happened enough so there was no panic when he saw Patton, curled into a ball asleep.

  
Instead, he just climbed over him, heading to the kitchen to get some of the food left over from 'friendship day.' He was trying his best to stay quiet, head still muddled over from sleep as he creaked the fridge open, pulling out the frozen bar they made.

  
It was like a frozen bar of yogurt, and fruit. You had to cut chunks off and suck on them until they melted and grew soft, but it tasted really good. Pulling out a knife from the drawer, he started to chop it into little bits, sticking one into his mouth and blinking sleepily.

  
Yawning, he brushed some sleep from his eye, forcing himself to wake up a bit more. "Virgil?" a voice questioned from behind him. Virgil startled, hand tightening on the knife as he spun around quickly in surprise, flinching a bit when he heard a sharp cry of pain, and- that was a lot of red.

  
Patton shouldn't be that red. Virgil dropped the knife, jumping forwards the catch Patton quickly when he fell, staring in horror at the ammount of red staining the others chest. Why the FUCK had Virgil used the SHARPEST knife they had to cut a YOGURT BAR.

  
"P-Patton! It's going to be okay, it's going to be- ROMAN! LOGAN!"

  
Patton was shaking, grabbing at his chest with one hand, and clutching at Virgil's arm with the other. Roman and Logan appeared in an instant, looking tired one moment then wide awake and horrified the next. "Roman, first aid kit!" Logan snapped quickly, falling to his knees beside Patton and quickly and gently pulling his shirt up. He hissed at the sight and the ammount of blood, and Virgil felt vile raise in his mouth.

  
Patton whined like a broken puppy, and tightened his grip on Virgil's arm. "N-not your fault," he whispered, and the light was faded from his eyes so fast. Virgil heart clenched.

  
This wasn't happening.

  
The light faded more.

  
This was a dream.

  
Patton went limp.

  
Any minute he was going to WaKE uP

~

  
It felt really early. Way too early. Virgil groaned, shifting under his covers, before sitting up slightly with an annoyed hissed. What time was it? Grabbing his phone, he squinted. It was five. In the morning. Thomas must have had a nightmare.

  
Virgil had the feeling that it was going to be a really, really bad day.

 

 

 


	2. Sequester

Virgil hadn't remembered right away. It wasn't until Patton had tried to hug him after Thomas's nightmare that he remembered. It poured suddenly into his head making him shudder violently and jerk away, hands flying up to shove Patton away, images of blood flashing across his vision and making him feel sick.

He didn't even give Patton a chance to react. He was gone in a moment, hiding away in his room and locking the doors, panicked breaths escaping him. He couldn't stop thinking about it, the blood, staining his hands, staining Patton- and what a truly stupid way to die.

It had been a dream. That was it. 

But even as he thought it, he couldn't convince himself. It hadn't been a dream, not even slightly. Dreams don't last a week, that wasn't normal. Dreams don't make you fall in love with someone in real life. Dreams don't end, only for you to wake up and repeat the exact same things that happened in the dream...

The 'dream' had started with waking up to Thomas having a nightmare. Then, Patton had died, and he had woken up to Thomas having a nightmare. The exact same nightmare, with the exact same reaction, right down to the same details.

That meant, logically, that the next week would follow the dream, right? That Patton would... die? So all Virgil had to do was avoid Patton. If he wasn't there to literally fucking stab him in the chest, then he wouldn't get hurt, and it would be fine.

Virgil stumbled over to his bed, sitting and thinking quickly as he dragged his blankets up and around his shoulders, a comfort blanket. He felt stupid, childish, but he missed Patton so much. He was lucky, though. This was his chance. His... love.... had killed Patton, and now he was given a chance to 'repent.' 

To save Patton, to keep him safe... Virgil smiled without humor, the images of blood spinning like circles in his eyes. He laughed, and it echoed, empty around the room.  
He couldn't just fall in love and be happy, could he?

~

Three days. The others let him be, let him have his peace, for three full days. He had locked himself up before, so that was probably why. They were used to this. But before this, before his second chance, the most he'd probably locked himself up was maybe a day, a day and a half? Not three days.

Three days of blood, of nightmares, and tears, of Patton's soft eyes, gentle smile, soft love... being destroyed in an instant, replaced with pain, and shock. Emotions put there because of Virgil, and his stupid mistakes.

Virgil wasn't sure if anyone had tried to knock or enter his room, during those three days. If they had, he hadn't listened, or even noticed, too busy drowning in his memories.  
But when someone knocked on your door for five minutes straight, no matter what memories, it was a bit hard to ignore. "Virgil, I understand you sometimes feel the need to lock yourself in your room because of emotional duress, but even we require nourishment to be at our full capacities. While not ingesting energy in the form of food and drink will not obliterate us, it will-"

"Go away," Virgil forced out, voice weak after not using it for so long. He spoke in a soft tremble, voice shaking like it was a leaf in the breeze.

There was a brief pause at his door. Enough for Virgil to hope just for a moment that Logan had listened for once and just left, but of course, fate wasn't that nice to him. "If you allow me inside your room and accept the meal I've brought- courtesy of Patton -I'll leave you be," he offered.

Virgil groaned into his pillow. If he didn't expect, they would just keep showing up, knocking and demanding. Sooner or later, Patton would come along, knocking as well. Virgil would be forced to face him, trapped with the knowledge of what could have been- had been -what Virgil had done.

At least this way, he wouldn't have to face him. Waving his hand, the door swung open. Virgil didn't bother to look up, just muttered, "leave it on my dresser." He'd toss it down the toilet and forget about it as soon as he could muster up enough energy to actually move out of the bed.

Virgil heard Logan's footsteps enter the room, slower than usual. Then, instead of leaving like they were supposed to, they stopped. They stopped directly beside his head. "Virgil, to my understanding-" here we go "-this is an incredibly unhealthy way of living. Neuroscientists have found that living in a space with excess things has a negative effect on your ability to focus and process information. Aditional studies show it has bad effects on sleep. Not eating and-"

"Logan, you sound like you ate a dictionary," Virgil interrupted. He rolled onto his side, keeping his eyes shut. He had been sitting in the dark for three days, the light coming into his room from the doorway hurt enough with his eyes closed, he didn't want to think about how it would feel to open them. "I know, I get it. Just leave the food, like I told you, nerd."

"We're both parts of Thomas," Logan said instead, acting like he hadn't even heard him. "For Thomas's health, I'll stay here for an hour and help decrease the clutter as well as making sure you eat and drink something." There was the sound of him placing down the tray, and then walking. The door was closed, but then there was a click, and a brighter light turned on. Groaning louder, Virgil rolled and pressed his face back into his pillow. "My schedule will be a bit behind, I was going to do some of my reading of-"

"Logan," Virgil interrupted, hissing. "For the love of everything... GET. OUT." He knew Logan was bad with emotions and cues and stuff, but it was clear Virgil didn't want him in there! Normally the least emotional side of them stayed back and out of the way. As long as Thomas was ok, he didn't care. Thomas was fine, Virgil would know if he wasn't.

But despite the very, very clear signal, Logan still didn't seem to get it through his thick skull. "Sit up," he ordered. "Open your eyes slowly, so the light doesn't overwhelm you. If you want, you can sit up with them closed for five minutes before opening them. It isn't even that bright- your room is incredibly dark, the lights are profoundly dim."

He really wasn't going to give up, was he? With an animalistic hiss, Virgil sat up. Ignoring Logan's words, he opened his eyes all at once, glaring at him quickly and ignoring the pain. His room lights were dim, as Logan had put it, so it wasn't that bad all things considered.

Logan still gave him a look though. "I said to open your eyes slowly," he scolded. "Opening them too spontaneously, like you just did, will only cause you pain." 

Virgil rolled his eyes slightly. It was just like Logan to nitpick every little thing that happened. "I'm fine," he groaned. He looked over at the food Patton had made, and the name still sent a spark of pain through his chest. It was all food Virgil could digest. Patton had never learned about that this time around, but someone he had still known... Virgil felt like crying all over again but forced himself to maintain a straight face. Not in front of Logan. 

Logan was still observing him though as he moved around the room, and his eyes narrowed at the expressions that had flashed across Virgil's face. It had been fast, and Logan wasn't good with emotions (if it hadn't already been pointed out enough) but he knew enough to understand something was making Virgil upset.

Even without those flashes of emotion he still knew that. No one locked themselves in their room for three days without any reason. Taking a deep breath, Logan piled some My Chemical Romance and Falling In Reverse shirts into a laundry basket even as he spoke, trying to remember Patton's 'lessons.' "Are you... okay?" he asked slowly. 

Virgil snorted. He knew how much Logan had probably struggled to get the one sentence out, and it brought amusement to him. He also knew that Logan wouldn't leave him alone unless he ate a bit, so he grabbed the tray, eating tiny bites slowly. He could throw it up in a bit. "I'm fine," he lied easily. "You... don't have to do that."

Focusing on his task, Logan nodded sharply. "I'm aware, but I like I said, living in this state of clutter-"

"I heard you the first time," Virgil was quick to say, balancing the tray with one hand in order to raise the other one to stop Logan from returning to his rant. "No need to say it again. I... really just want quiet. If you're going to stay, no rants about anything, unless it's actually interesting. Cleaning isn't fun, everyone knows that."

"...Are facts about space fun?"

Virgil took a tiny bite, considering the question. "Sure," he gave in after a small pause, shrugging his shoulders a bit. He still didn't want Logan there, but if Logan was there at least Patton was far away. Patton wouldn't interfere with them, at least Virgil didn't think he would- not when Virgil finally let someone into his room, and actually spoke to them with minimal sarcasm.

Logan kept it simple as he spoke, at least he seemed to be trying to. But Logan's definition of simple and everyone's else definition of simple were very different things. Still, it was interesting to hear him ramble on about stars, and planets, and different galaxies and ideas and plans, and space travel. 

He may not have understood all of it, but the stuff he did understand was actually pretty awesome. Virgil wondered if Thomas was going through a space phase, or if this was all stuff Logan had picked up by himself. Either one of those options was plausible. Logan generally stuck to Thomas's interests, since if Thomas picked information up it was easier for Logan to remember it as well, but he had his own bouts of inspiration for various topics.

He remembered one such bout for poetry. He had been obsessed with it for a while, which had made him end up becoming closer with Princey. Roman was all about the romance, so poems were right up his alley. While Logan didn't care as much about the romantic aspect, he didn't care as long as it was a poem, so they had poured over both books and the deep, dark corners of the internet to discover as many as possible.

Naturally, Patton had squealed over the entire thing calling it 'cute' and 'bonding time' as while as many other names. Virgil flinched a bit. Just when he had started to forget, he had thought of Patton once more. Imagines that were so familiar to him at that point flashed through his mind. Blood. A whisper. Fear.

"-irgil? Virgil!" Virgil jumped, sucking in a sharp breath. He blinked several times, focusing on Logan, who was staring at him with narrowed eyes. "I read an article once," Logan started, and Virgil internally groaned. "It said that wandering mind was a crucial mental state, and helped people to set goals, make discoveries, and live balanced lives in general. But I don't feel like that's similar to your situation if your expression was any indication."

Virgil cast a tired look around his room. Logan had cleaned the entire thing, and it made him feel really bad. Just another thing that would keep him up for months despite how small and unimportant it was actually. "You finished cleaning," Virgil noted.

Logan raised an eyebrow at him. He seemed to use that expression a lot. "I'm aware," he said after another moment. "You're finished eating."

Virgil looked down at the tray, actually surprised by that. But Logan was right. He had finished it. His stomach actually hurt, since he had gone so long without eating, but it hadn't been that much. Patton had been aware of the fact it had been days, so he hadn't loaded the plate up. 

Either way, Virgil hadn't meant to eat it all. He'd been so distracted by Logan's space talk, it had happened without him meaning it. Slowly, he held the tray up. "No reason for you to stick around," he pointed out. He didn't mean it in a harsh way. It sounded like he did, but luckily Logan was used to him and didn't get his feelings hurt easily anyways. 

The logical trait only nodded and accepted the tray from him. "I'll see you tomorrow." Virgil didn't have a chance to reply before Logan was already gone. 

Tomorrow? What did he mean tomorrow? There wouldn't be a tomorrow, not on Virgil's watch. That had been a one-time thing. 

He groaned, closing his eyes and slumping back down into his blanket pile. He still wanted to go throw up, but the thought of moving, standing up and walking to the bathroom... it made him feel dizzy. Besides, if he fainted from lack of food he'd be stuck in the living room under the watch of the others and their concern.

Fake concern, a voice whispered in the back of his head. They don't like you.

Virgil smiled, in a hollow, empty way, turning inward eyes to the voice. Tell me more, he whispered back.

~

Of course, Logan was back the next day. It seemed like 'no' didn't mean anything to him, not that it surprised Virgil much. This was Logan after all. The stubborn, sassy logical trait that was confused by simple emotion.

This time Logan had brought his laptop and took a seat at Virgil's desk after putting the food meant for Virgil next to him. "I told you no," Virgil muttered, glancing at the food and narrowing his eyes.

Logan only raised an eyebrow. "Companionship from others is something everyone requires," he explained. "When someone is isolated, they-"

"Logan," Virgil interrupted, rolling his eyes, "I know, okay? I know of isolation more than you probably do! But a week won't kill-"

"A week? Why a week exactly?"

Shit. Virgil closed his mouth quickly, stiffening slightly in his seat. He... hadn't meant for that to come out the way he had. If the other three heard the truth, chances were they wouldn't believe him- they would think he was crazy. 

Worst case scenario, they did believe him. Then what? Patton... would know that Virgil had fallen in love with him. This version of Patton hadn't experienced everything the two of them had gone through together. He would think it's weird, maybe he would even stop liking Virgil, let alone love him. It was weird. He was weird. He hated himself for it.  
Logan was still waiting for an answer. "Nothing!" Virgil said quickly, snapping back into reality. "I-" change the subject, change the subject "-what are you researching?'

Logan seemed to hesitate. Virgil wasn't sure if he had known he had changed the subject on purpose or what. "I'm researching Ancient Traditions in China," Logan finally said after a moment. "It's very... interesting. China is large, and traditions vary. Religion, languages, food, art... But I noticed that you're attempting to change the subject." He looked proud of himself, raising his chin a bit. He was always proud of himself for picking up on stuff like this.

It was endearing and amusing. Endearing...? "Definition of endearing."

"Inspiring love or affection," Logan said instantly. It was like he couldn't help himself. 

Inspiring love or affection? Did he use that to describe Logan of all people? Well, he meant it in like... the way a dog inspires love or affection. All cute, stumbling over them.  
Great, now he was using the word cute. This was like Patton all over again. Not that he was like, falling in love with Logan or anything- that would be weird! Plus, you don't normally fall in love with people days apart. Well, actually, Virgil was pretty sure there was a term for being in a relationship with several people at once-

Not that he wanted to be in one of those relationships. He was... hungry, and it was messing up his thought process. "If I eat this food, will you drop the topic?" Virgil offered, gesturing towards the food.

"I suppose that sounds like an adequate trade-off," Logan agreed. He turned back to his laptop, and Virgil ate the food slowly. Patton had probably made it. Patton with his big eyes and his adorable hair and his cute smile and his cute everything really.

Patton who just loved without thinking, acting as though it was so easy and simple to love. Even if it was someone like Virgil. Someone who piled on layers of 'edgy' so he would be listened to, someone who insulted and made Thomas feel like shit, someone who was shit himself. 

It was so easy to love Patton, and Patton had made it seem so easy to love someone like Virgil, and Virgil knew that was probably one of the things that had really done him in, after everything else. 

"In 6,000‒ ca. 1750 B.C.E., or the Neolithic period, which is-"

"What are you doing?" Virgil snapped, dragged out of his thoughts. Logan paused in his words, glancing at him once more.

"I'm reading out loud," Logan explained. "You seemed to get an 'upset' expression on your face, so I predicted that a distraction may assist you in feeling better." He wrinkled his nose at the word feeling, and it would have been funny if Virgil hadn't killed Patton four days ago.

Virgil stared blankly at Logan, then looked back down at his food and continued eating. Logan seemed to take that as his cue to keep reading, and he did so. He was reading about art in China it seemed.

It wasn't as interesting to Virgil as all the space facts had been. But there was something that happened when a person spoke about the thing they were interested in. Even if it normally seemed like the most boring thing in the entire universe, if the person talking cared about it, it became fun to listen to. To hear about, and learn about. 

Virgil finished eating, but this time Logan didn't leave once he was finished. Virgil put the plate aside after a moment and got more comfortable to listen. Logan talked for a while. Virgil knew he'd forget over half of what was being said within ten minutes, but he could enjoy it while it lasted.

Logan's voice itself was soothing. It washed over him, making a bit of the pressure that had been sitting permanently on his chest wash away. When Logan's talk came to an end, Virgil almost expected him to get up and leave. Not even almost, he had completely expected Logan to get up and leave.

He didn't though. Well, he did get up, but instead of walking to the door he walked towards Virgil. "I want you to get up," Logan said, coming to a stop beside his bed. "Laying down for large amounts of time, as long as you have been, for example, is unhealthy, Virgil. You may feel dizzy, but-"

"This is stupid," Virgil interrupted, snapping. "I don't care if it's bad for you, we aren't real anyways so it can't be that bad-"

"We're real, and we require food and water as well as other human necessities, so it's normal to assume physical health works the same," Logan interrupted once more. "Just sit up slowly, and stand up slowly, and walk around the room twice. That's all I want."

Even if this entire thing about being physical was the truth, Virgil doubted walking around the room twice would really help him out all that much. But he still got up either way. He sat up slowly like he was told to, hissing at how light headed and sick the simple movements made him feel.

Logan held up a hand once he was sitting up. "What?" Virgil snarled slightly, making Logan sigh.

"Take a pause before you stand up, if you do it too fast you're going to make yourself sick," Logan scolded lightly. Virgil growled. 

"I already feel sick."

Logan's frown just got worse, that clearly hadn't been the right thing to say. "Wait," he said again. Virgil groaned but did as told, waiting again. Only when Logan waved his hand did Virgil move, carefully sliding his legs off the bed and onto his floor. He stood up, but not in one sudden rush- slowly.

It still hurt. When he dragged himself to the bathroom to throw up, he sort of.. crawled, to avoid this exact problem. It still really really hurt, but not as badly as just happily walking over would.

It probably would have been worse if he had really waited a week like he had wanted to, but he didn't want to admit that. "Can I walk now?" he demanded, despite the pounding in his head. Logan only gave him a look, making Virgil sigh loudly.

Then he almost fell over. Logan grabbed him quickly to keep him from falling, and Virgil blushed at the contact. He wasn't some blushing virgin! He tried to pry Logan's hands away, but Logan didn't let go. "I don't want you to fall if you're disgusted by my touch you may sit, but I'm not letting go."

He wasn't disgusted, the problem was the opposite! He didn't sit back down, just willed the blush to go away. He didn't like Logan, this was just because it was surprising and Logan looked a lot like Patton- they even both had glasses.

Virgil straightened. He was slowly getting used to standing up and waved Logan away. His blush faded. Logan didn't let go though, so Virgil sighed for what felt like the millionth time. "I'm good, I promise," he muttered. Finally, Logan let go, but he still stuck close.

Virgil finally started to move, despite the fact Logan hadn't given him the 'you're good' sign yet. He walked around the room once, then paused because he felt sort of light-headed, before walking around the room again and finally returning to his bed.

Logan smiled, looking very pleased as he returned to his seat at Virgil's desk. This time, Virgil was only blushing because he was tired from walking around the room- not because of Logan's smile.

"What kind of art should we talk about next?" Logan asked, tilting his head. Virgil's blush- er, tiredness -grew worse... which.... resulted in his face growing more red, because, he was... tired.

"Japanese?" Virgil said hesitantly, thinking about anime. "Er... uh... what about Korean?"

"Which one?"

"...Both?"

Logan's smile grew. This was cheating. "Agreeable," Logan decided. 

They spent the rest of the day reading about art from those two places, and when Logan left, saying he would come back the next day Virgil didn't protest this time.

~

Of course, the next day was the exact same. Virgil only smiled ever so slightly when Logan walked in, his chest growing warm. Logan even smiled at him. Logan, smiling. Those things didn't tend to go together in any way normally, but here it was, happening. Virgil was happy.

He didn't even think of Patton as Logan sat by his side, pulling out a book he had brought to read. "I'm aware of your... darker tastes, so I thought this literature may be to your liking," Logan said simply when Virgil gave him a questionable look.

Virgil's eyebrows furrowed together at his words, a small tendril of embarrassment curling up in his chest, warm and awkward. "I'm not a kid," he protested in a small mumble. It was weird. He wanted to speak louder, to act like his normal sassy self (wow... he just made himself cringe) but it was like he couldn't.

He felt weird. It was good and happy, but weird. It was familiar at the very least, that was for sure... 

"We don't have to read if that is not your wish."

Well, now Logan made him feel bad. "Fine," he muttered, taking a deep breathe and pushing aside the confusing feelings. "You can read, I don't mind... what's the story called?"  
Logan relaxed a bit. Virgil hadn't even noticed he was tense, and normally he was much better at reading people. What, had Logan been worried about what HE would think? ...No, there was no need for him to be worried about something like that.

Logan started reading, his calming, crisp tone cutting through the room. It had only been a few days of his visits, but already it was hauntingly familiar. Virgil closed his eyes as he listened to the story. Logan had been serious when he commented on Virgil's 'dark tastes.' 

The story was really creepy and descriptive. Virgil didn't know Logan had read those types of stories. He was the logical type though, so he probably just read them and then easily claimed that it didn't matter because they weren't actually real. Patton would be terrified.

Patton's memory wasn't terrible, which was weird. Virgil only smiled a bit when he imagined his reaction to the story, warmth filling him from head to toe. It felt like the same type of warmth when he spoke to Logan- ... no.

It wasn't possible, it just wasn't. Sure Virgil liked Logan, but not like that, not the same way he liked Patton. He already liked Patton, he couldn't like more than one person- it hadn't even been two weeks since he had fallen in love with Patton! Technically it hadn't even been that long since the week in which he fell in love with Patton didn't actually exist!

Logan must have noticed his panic, which was actually surprising to him, because he stopped reading, looking at Virgil instead. He sounded hesitant, as if unsure if he were saying the correct words, but he was willing to try when he spoke. "Virgil?" he questioned, leaning forwards a bit. "Virgil... are-"

"Get away from me!" Virgil lashed out, grabbing the book from Logan's hands and throwing it as hard as it could towards the door. "Take your STUPID book and get out Logan!"  
Logan leaned back, startled by his apparently sudden and random switch in emotions. "Wh-"

"Don't ask questions, just get out!" Virgil snarled. He gave Logan the coldest, most disgusted look he could, and Logan's eyes widened a bit, something stirring behind them. Virgil had lots of time to practice his cold disgusted look, he was rather proud of it. "Out," he sneered once more.

He wasn't sure if he should be surprised when Logan actually listened, standing up and leaving as quickly as he could, closing the door behind him.

Virgil sat there panting softly for long moments before the tears fell, and he turned quickly to hide them under his pillow. Last time... he had killed Patton. He refused to do the same thing again.

~

"Virgil? Kiddo? Can I come in?" Virgil sucked in a sharp breath when he heard THAT voice. It was the same voice he remembered, the same one he heard in his head like it was on a loop- the same voice he could never escape. 

Swallowing thickly, Virgil forced the word, "yeah," out, regretting it right away but not being able to pull it back. There was a moment of silence, then the door opened and Patton walked in.

The most friendly trait didn't comment on the darkness or the way Virgil's voice rasped, he just shut the door behind him and moved over, sitting on the edge of the bed and gently running a hand down Virgil's back. Virgil shuddered at the touch. He wanted to grab Patton, hug him tightly, and relax in his warmth. He wanted to kiss the stupid idiot, always so cheerful and happy and... fun...

"Virge? What happened with Logan...?" Had Logan said something to the others? Virgil didn't think he would, he wasn't the emotional sharing type- Patton probably convinced him.  
Virgil shivered again, wrinkling his nose. Why was this situation so hard? Why did he feel so pathetic and weak, even though he shouldn't feel this way? He had fought it for so long, this weakness, and now he let it take over too easily.

The week was almost over. Then he could go back to being that person. Then everything would be okay, it had to be. "I... it's nothing... complications."

"Virgil, anything you say to me will stay in this room," Patton promised quietly. He moved his hand up, running it through Virgil's hair instead, confidence growing as Virgil didn't push him away. "Please, talking about it can help. It's not good to keep it all bottled up. I already learned that, remember?"

Virgil wanted to tell him then, just for a moment. He wanted to so much that it hurt, and he felt like he was going to throw up even though he wasn't shoving his fingers down his throat. "I... I can't Patton, I can't."

Patton hummed softly, his hand still moving through his hair. "I won't make you," he promised simply. "I do want to guess though, and if it's wrong then that's okay, but if it's right that's okay as well. Virge... if you have romantic feelings for Logan, if that's why you locked yourself in here, then... you should tell him. Whatever bad thing you're thinking of, I doubt it would happen if you tell him."

Patton had hit some points, but not all of them. Virgil couldn't just turn around and admit it was romantic feelings towards Patton that made him hide away though. "I-"

"Don't say anything," Patton said quickly. You drew his hand away, and Virgil had to force himself not to press closer. He wanted physical contact right now, like he wanted the sun. "Look, I'll send Logan in here tomorrow, okay? You have until then to think about it. It's going to be okay no matter what though. Logan... he's worried about you, Verge."

Patton pressed his lips to Virgil's forehead, and Virgil felt as though the kiss rip a bit of Virgil off of him when Patton pulled away. Like a knife had been plunged into his soul, carving a little chunk away forever. "Love you kiddo."

Again, Virgil was left in the dark.

~

In two days, including that day, it would be the day of Patton's death.

Virgil straightened his clothes, frowning softly and looking down at himself. He had made an attempt to wash his hair, put on deodorant, and change his clothes. But the actions had felt like torture, sapping his energy away quicker then they had any right to.

He had been thinking last night though. He couldn't love Patton. Loving Patton got him killed, that had been shown to him, and he had been giving another chance to try it again, to prevent Patton's death.

But Logan? Logan hadn't died, and there was no reason he was going to die this time. So maybe it was okay to just... try it out? One date. One kiss. Just a tiny taste.

Patton had told him he was important. If Patton was there he'd tell him to give it a chance- hell, last night this Patton pretty much had. Logan wasn't second best or anything, neither was Patton. They were Patton and Logan, Logan and Patton, and Virgil... was in love with them.

He wanted to give himself a chance like Patton wanted him to, even if that chance couldn't be with Patton. Maybe he could set Patton and Roman up or something. They were both happy and dreamful, they could get along well, right?

His only worry now was if Logan would accept him. Did he feel the same way? If not... he only hoped that Patton wouldn't have given him a 'go for it!' if it wasn't required, Patton wouldn't be cruel, not like that.

The day went by so slowly. Every noise made him look up, trying to see if it was Logan if this was it if this was when he would confess. Each time it wasn't and he was left even more anxious (heh) than before.

After lunch, the door opened, and Logan stepped in. He was balancing soup in his arms and wasn't looking up. "I brought you food," Logan said after a moment. He wasn't even using his big words. "I.. I know you haven't eaten-" Logan looked up and blinked once, twice. "I. You look better."

"Er... thanks for the soup teach." Virgil took the soup from Logan's arms and put it on the side table. He would deal with that in just a moment. "About yesterday... don't interrupt me. I'm sorry about my random freak out. I... figured something out and it... freaked me out."

Virgil looked down. He didn't want to be looking into those eyes, the same as his, but not really. They weren't dark-ringed and sunken, they were wide and clear and inquisitive. "What 'freaked' you out?" Logan questioned, using his own words and throwing them back at him. Virgil bit his lip and muttered his confession really quietly under his breath. "You... have to repeat that," Logan said slowly.

Virgil bit his lip harder. He remembered Patton again in his head, his stupid smile.

_"Your not a bad person, Virgil." ___

___"You deserve me. You deserve five million friends that will help you, and care about you, and make you yogurt. And you may not believe that we're friends, but you know what? That's okay." ____ _

____Virgil deserved this. He had to believe that. Had to give himself this chance, for Patton. "I... uh... noticed that I kinda have romantic feelings towards you."_ _ _ _

____There was a long pause, and Virgil's heart sped up, going quicker and quicker. He was wrong. He had read the signs wrong, Logan didn't like him back. Logan was never going to ever talk to him ever again, and it was all Virgil's fault, and there was nothing he could do about it. It was over- it was all-_ _ _ _

____"Emotions, the bane of my existence," Logan sighed. Virgil choked on his sorry, and then Logan moved forwards, lifting his chin and... kissing him...!? Logan's lips were cool against his, and gentle- a tiny, feathered touch. Virgil remained as still has a statue until Logan pulled away, gazing at him quietly. "What the adequate?" Virgil asked after a pause.  
"I- you-" Virgil choked for real._ _ _ _

____"Oh, I forgot. I... I accept your feeling, I love you too." Virgil?? Never said I love you?? "I got the script from Patton. Is that adequate if the kiss was not?"_ _ _ _

____Well... that made more sense. Virgil finally got his voice back. "You're perfect," he breathed, grabbing Logan and pulling him down for another kiss._ _ _ _

____Perfect._ _ _ _

____~_ _ _ _

____"Virgil... there's been an accident."_ _ _ _

____No._ _ _ _

____No. Nononononononononono._ _ _ _


End file.
